Sunday, January 03, 2010

Daily 5 - Day 144

Today's Daily "5":
  1. Really slow lazy day... kind of necessary
  2. Did finally clean out my closet though - well, except for the shoes, maybe I'll do that another day.  Pleased to have purged a number of items from my wardrobe as well.
  3. Budgeting - have I mentioned that even though I'm not exactly friends with numbers, I'm getting a certain perverse satisfaction out of the discipline of developing, maintaining, and living within a budget.  I think it also comes from the sense of no longer being overwhelmed by my finances.  The baby steps of really feeling like I can control the outcome of this.  And it helps to have a budget that leaves a little bit of room for the extras now and then.
  4. Grocery shopping is done for the week.  After I picked L. up at the airport this afternoon, we stopped briefly at home and then headed right out to the grocery store.  I absolutely love that this is not going to be an evening hanging over me this week.
  5. Ceres brand mango juice (or the cranberry kiwi for that matter)
  6. Jello.  Yep, I have a fondness for jello.
  7. chicken fingers and french fries again.  I know, I only ate that yesterday, but my stomach did not get the memo that 2010 was supposed to be the year of health, and it's only been tolerating a few foods, and chicken fingers have been one of them.
  8. Catching up (quickly) with my roommate about our various holidays
  9. Candles lit in my bedroom for a large chunk of the day again
  10. Enjoying the fruits of yesterday's cleaning with a tidy, uncluttered bedroom, and a clearer headspace in many ways.

The Alphabet Project

Yesterday I wrote a post that included as one of my goals for 2010 that I would work on an alphabet photography/scrapbooking project.

I bought this great set of rub-ons on a trip to the scrapbook store the other day (on 70% off clearance no less!) that was the alphabet with a word for each letter, and all of the words seem to fit well with my ongoing theme of choosing life and joy and hope.  So, the plan is to take a photo (or several) for each letter and word, and create a scrapbook page with journaling explaining why that photo speaks to that word/theme for me.  I'm not much of a scrapbooker anymore, but I like the challenge of needing to come up with photographs for more abstract words (remember that another goal was to develop a bit at photography), and I feel like 26 pages over the course of the year (just over 2 a month) is a very doable achievement.  Plus, I like that it pushes me to pull out and use the supplies I've accumulated over the years, and to need to be creative in making a page that suits the letter and the photo.

So, without further ado, let me share the alphabet with you.  (Let me know if you have good ideas for any of the words!)

A is for adorable
B is for beautiful
C is for cute

(okay, let me just pause for a second and say that in those first few letters I'm clearly going to need to arrange to spend time with some of the friends who've recently had babies.  because an evening of cuddling a baby is going to be a real hardship for me!)

D is for delightful
E is for elegant
F is for fantastic
G is for generous
H is for happy
I is for industrious
J is for joyful
K is for kind
L is for loving
M is for magical

(LP/CA - I sense you might not only have some travel ideas for me, but also a suggestion for the letter "m"!)

N is for neat
O is for original
P is for pretty
Q is for quiet
R is for real
S is for silly
T is for thankful
U is for unique
V is for vivacious
W is for wonderful
X is for X-citing
Y is for youthful
Z is for zany

I haven't decided quite yet if I will do these in order, or just do them as I manage to capture a moment that fits a word, or maybe some of both.  I do like the idea of mostly doing them in order, just for the fact that it forces me to really create vivacious, or real, or cute, or industrious (or whatever!) moments - to be deliberate in creating the story with my life.

Sometimes they make me crazy

I love lists.  That is a well documented fact.  I especially love the goofy little moment of satisfaction that comes from checking something off of a list.

But sometimes the lists make me crazy.

I'm still in bed again - it's sort of become a habit over this vacation, and not one I'm all that upset about, given the chronic lack of rest in my life.

But this morning, some list items are taunting me as I lay here.  Things I meant to do yesterday and didn't quite manage to accomplish.  Nothing spectacular.  But there's a taunting.  "You shouldn't stay in bed.  Get up and be productive.  Especially since L. comes home this afternoon and then the house will have noise and another person and won't be nearly as peaceful.  Get up and take advantage of that peace."

Some of that mentality is passed on.  My mom grew up with it - the never a moment of stillness thing - and in the many years of my life before she began her own long journey of healing, there was ample time for me to absorb it.  Also to fight against it.  As a teenager I fought against it in a defiant manner.  A "no, I'm going to do what I want" sort of manner.  But it's what was modeled for me as what "adults" do, and in the years I've lived on my own, I've found it has at times become a reality.  Ironic, since, while I am just beginning this journey of combatting it, my mom has found much healing, and is increasingly embracing moments that are just for her, and not filled with activity.

Eventually, I will get out of bed.  There are a few things I really do want to get done before I have to head to the airport this afternoon to pick L. up.  But, for the moment, I'm reminding myself that health and rest need to be a priority for me, and that I had a rough night last night, filled with tossing and turning, wakefulness, and odd dreams, and that it's okay to be laying here, resting.

Sometimes the lists are the most helpful thing in my life.  Sometimes they make me crazy.  But I'm learning to combat their accusing stares, and remember why I make them in the first place - to help me get the most out of life - and to remember that sometimes the most out of life means sleeping late, or resting because it's the better option, even when the list of stuff to do is long.