Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Tuesday Morning (Snowing)

We are in the midst of a heavy snowfall warning again. A few inches fell overnight, and were waiting to be brushed off of George when I left the house this morning. It continues to snow steadily, which I'm sure will make the evening commute even "more" fun than the morning one was.

I had a good time with my brother and his girlfriend last night. We sipped our various beverages of choice and chatted about everything from the choir that they both sing in, to their forthcoming busy schedules, to a project my brother is conducting at school during Lent, challenging his peers to give up something they would normally indulge in on a weekly basis (coffee, eating out, buying clothes, movies etc.), and set that money aside to be donated to projects supporting poverty initiatives on a local and international level. While I'm not certain that the project will fit with my own Lenten observance, I am hopeful that I will be able to donate to it, and I'm challenged that my brother has taken the time to challenge his peers to reconsider their consumptive lifestyle.

I'm looking forward to having dinner with Faye tonight. There's always lots of laughter, deep conversation, and fantastic stories when we manage to connect, and I'm delighted that we've somehow managed to make those connections a bit more regularly of late.

I'm still slogging my way through "The Interior Castle". Translation from Spanish of a work by a sixteenth century nun is not the easiest read ever. I think it's actually been beneficial. But I alternate between having moments where I'm fairly certain my heart is understanding what's being said, and moments where I'm absolutely certain that I have no idea what on earth she's talking about. There are many pages that I read and re-read in a desperate attempt to grasp the concepts being discussed, or at least begin to feel that my heart has absorbed some benefit, even if my head has not. I've set a (flexible) goal of one chapter a day barring engagments which fill my evening. I'm thankful that most of the chapters are ten pages or less, and am continuously amazed at just how long it can take to read those 5-10 pages each evening.

It's Shrove Tuesday, or Fat Tuesday, or Pancake Tuesday today (whichever name you prefer). I probably won't be having pancakes the way I usually do, but I am deeply conscious that Lent begins tomorrow. And that I need to find some quiet space to talk with Jesus about how I'm going to observe the Lenten season this year. I sort of fell pell-mell into it last year, arriving in Rome on Ash Wednesday, and then travelling for the entire first week. Coming home into the readjustment of life after 5 weeks away from routine, and the deep struggles that emerged amidst that. In many ways I feel like that Lenten season of fasting and preparing for death never really ended last year, and I have dreaded the coming deepening as the season officially begins again. And so, I need to find time, today or tomorrow morning, to listen and wait for direction. To seek Jesus and be willing to obey.

Bringing it to Light

I experienced the truth of this thought from Henri Nouwen about a month ago. Henri doesn't say quite how difficult it can really be to bring things to the light, but I think, in the long run, it's been worth it - that's it's brought a certain degree of freedom.

Bringing Our Secrets into the Light

We all have our secrets: thoughts, memories, feelings that we keep to ourselves. Often we think, "If people knew what I feel or think, they would not love me." These carefully kept secrets can do us much harm. They can make us feel guilty or ashamed and may lead us to self-rejection, depression, and even suicidal thoughts and actions.

One of the most important things we can do with our secrets is to share them in a safe place, with people we trust. When we have a good way to bring our secrets into the light and can look at them with others, we will quickly discover that we are not alone with our secrets and that our trusting friends will love us more deeply and more intimately than before. Bringing our secrets into the light creates community and inner healing. As a result of sharing secrets, not only will others love us better but we will love ourselves more fully.