Sunday, December 30, 2007

Why I Make Smile Lists

I had a moment this morning, standing in the shower and talking with Jesus that reminded me again of the reason I've cultivated the habit of making mental (and sometimes written) lists of the things I'm thankful for - the things that make me smile.

I was standing in the shower and talking with Jesus. Working off residual crankiness from the past few days. I was complaining once again about having to go to church, and teach Sunday school, which I was feeling particularly unmotivated to do this morning. (I have quite a lot of Sunday morning conversations in the shower with Jesus, that mostly involve me informing him that since he hasn't given me permission to leave this church, he'd better help me out with the motivation and attitude to get me through the morning.)

And, as I was griping, a list began forming in my mind. A list of the reasons I actually end up enjoying teaching these girls most weeks. A list that included:
  • that I love being a voice a little different from what they hear other places
  • they make me laugh
  • they remind me, just a little, each time I teach of that awkward and pivotal time in life that happens as you begin high school, and your world is suddenly growing, and you are beginning to figure out your place in the world
  • that three individual personalities come together in that room as we sit on the carpet as they seek to understand more about Jesus
  • that in spite of being raised in the church that also raised me, these girls are looking for glimpses of Jesus in a personal way, not just out of a sense of religious obligation
  • that they challenge my way of thinking and engaging
  • that when we do "best thing/worst thing" (highlight and lowpoint of our week) they are always thoughtful and willing to celebrate the good, and that the good is almost always more defining than the bad
I cultivated the habit of making smile lists because in the moments when I most need a change of attitude, an ability to be grateful in the midst of something that feels miserable, the lists begin forming in my head in spite of myself. And that makes me smile, too.